Bruce Campbell For President 2020: A President For Our Times

 

 

I'm done choosing between imbeciles pretending to be qualified for the presidency. They're never qualified, and they're never even what they claim to be. The liberals aren't even just liberal anymore--they're outright LIBERTINE. Republicans were never the conservatives they claimed to be in the first place, but now they no longer even pretend to be, they're the new Liberals. True Conservatives (the Protector Class, as opposed to the stupid popular definition) have pretty much given up controlling the country, for the most part, and have allied totally with liberal republicans just to save themselves.

The root of this problem, if you really think about it, is Groupthink: no matter what group one is in, one's survival depends on unity with others, no matter how utterly fucking stupid, irresponsible, and disinterested the person they're praising is. Hell, just look how far Jesus got, and that will give you the measure of humanity's good judgement in leaders. Once the group that one's children's survival and prosperity depends on, has chosen a person to represent the group, then kissing his ass is EXACTLY what one will do, PRECISELY--no matter what one thinks about that person at all. He could be assraping their mother while pouring sugar in their gastank--survival still trumps all virtue, and that is how we end up choosing between assholes like Biden and Trump for President--two libertines who have fucked us all from different directions, although NOBODY will say so about both, because we've all chosen a side. Want someone who will organize copkiller mobs, flood our nation with violent criminals and enemies, and hand over you and your childrens' futures as "reparations" to people you never fucked over? Go with Biden. Want someone who will suck our enemy's dick like a bitch after nuking us with a plague that shows every sign of being the single most destructive attack on civilians in our nation's history, and could very likely DESTROY OUR COUNTRY? Go with Trump. There's no chance of electing a President who could do the job well, because the parties filter them out. Want to change that--good luck, my friend! You're not going to.

So, are there any peanuts in this shit sandwich? Is there any solution? I have one, although it has no chance of working: We have to stop being afraid to criticize assholes, and beat them until there's nowhere left to bruise--all together as one unified citizenry. Leaders who depend on loyalty for support will always be stupid, irresponsible traitors, because humanity is a sleezy whore who will suck any dick in front of it. Most people will defend any asshole you put in front of them, regardless of who they are or how they behave--as long as they're popular with their own group. That's why our nation was founded on total distrust of nobility. The checks and balances in our government have never been arrange to choose good leaders, but to prevent any leader from holding power long enough to fuck up everything--because the founders know that EVERY leader will destroy the country, given enough time and power. If you disagree with that, then you disagree with the Constitution and the founders of our country--which most people do, they just don't realize it. NOTHING the founders installed in our government was based on support or faith--it was ALL BASED ON DISTRUST AND REVOLT.

 

My solution is to just embrace it, and deliberately choose an asshole who is honest about being an asshole, and that's where Bruce Campbell comes in--the man who played Ash Williams in Ash VS Evil Dead. He's a sleezy stupid asshole, and doesn't give a fuck who knows it!

Let's choose a total asshole for President:

 

We need a President who doesn't give a shit about anything but getting drunk and blown in some Detroit shithole bar. 

We need a President who even fucks THAT up because he's not even capable of opening a goddam beer without fucking it up, and left to his own devices, will stick his dick in a fan. 

We need a President so beholden to instinct he'd fuck a rusty keyhole nailed to a donkey's ass.

We need a President whose devotion to logic and rigor reaches no further than a tequila bottle. 

We need a President responsible enough to pour a bottle of whiskey into a bowl because he's out of dogfood.

We need a President who crashes his car into a busload of nuns AGAIN, because the beer bottles on the floor of his car keep getting stuck under the brake pedal.

We need a President who wakes up every morning barfing from a hangover, and trying desperately to remember who the hell he punched in the face. 

We need a President who constantly spouts dumbass puns and catch-phrases, knowing full well they have no bearing at all to the issues at hand.

We need a President who's a vice-ridden degenerate with no conscience, no responsibility, and no aspirations of a better world, a better life, or even a better day, for that matter.

BUT MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL--We need a President who doesn't even pretend to care or do otherwise, who embraces his degenerate nature, and doesn't even bother to hide it. It's the kind of President we'll always have anyway, and the only choice before us at all is who is whether we're dumb enough to be lied to and not give a shit.

For this reason, I have joined the Campaign to elect Bruce Campbell for President, whose has graciously appointed me his campaign manager. I can respect a total sociopath for the Presidency--because he's honest about it and doesn't pretend he cares. I like that kind of honesty. Americans refusing to risk criticizing and laughing at stupid assholes is exactly how we got stuck choosing between Moe and Larry for President--and what a coincidence! Those are the names of his chainsaw and shotgun!

If that fucking jackoff Kanye West can get on the ballot, then the system has already collapsed, and it's time to just embrace the downward spiral and elect a certified fucking asshole.

Sometimes things won't get better until they're bad enough to reach critical mass and explode. It's time to unite our country and fix America!--and a complete tosser President who knows fuckall and doesn't give a shit, and doesn't pretend otherwise is exactly what this situation requires!

 

BRUCE CAMPBELL FOR PRESIDENT! 

https://youtu.be/uN67zTCx09I