ENCORE: THE JACKAL - BIDEN INTERVIEWS AND RANDOM POST!
These will never go down like David Frost's interviews of Richard Nixon, but I figure they're good for a few laughs. Wolf Jackal, always the professional, simply gives Joseph Biden enough rope to hang himself.
REMEMBER KIDS:
Joseph Biden puts the "dem" in dementia!
Please feel free to post what you like, as long as it is tasteful...
BIDEN'S INCOHERENT RAMBLINGS AND IDIOTIC GAFFES - IS HE DEMENTED, OR JUST PLAIN STUPID?
- by Wolf Jackal, AP News
7 April 2020 (AP)
The rapidly deteriorating mental condition of presidential candidate Joseph Biden became even more apparent today when he was heard blurting out obscenities and afterward adding an incoherent string of words that defy anyone's comprehension.
Having left a restroom at a DNC office, a piece of toilet paper stuck to the heel of his shoe, Biden, apparently unaware that he was on camera, said, "God damn - I had to piss like a racehorse and the fucking sink in the toilet isn't working, so I had to wash my hands in the commode!" Frowning, he looked to the assemblage of reporters and added, "Oh shit, strike that!" Then, noticing his fly was open, he shrugged and zipped it up.
Most complied with his request, excepting for this reporter, who had a digital recording device hidden in my sport jacket.
"You are an uncouth pig!" exclaimed a female journalist who prefers that her name be withheld.
Biden, undaunted by her remark, replied, "I want to be clear as possible; perfectly, I mean, four score and six or is it seven – well, you know what I’m saying. I remember when Corn Pop rattled that off and I showed him! As far as the herpes malarkey is concerned, or is it Wuhan chinky, I think Trump's racist to close the door borders to Chinamen over trivial things. After all, how are we going to get new phones if we don’t buy the Chinese stuff! When I’m elected Senator of the country we’ll get to the bottom of this dog-faced pony show or my name isn’t uh, Joe – uh – Biden, yeah - that's it!!"
Then he thumbed his nose and looked to the ceiling as a silly grin covered his face. "Is that a fly or a bee?" Biden asked, pointing to the ceiling, apparently hallucinating.
Biden's remarks were greeted by stunned silence, one reporter murmuring, "What the fuck did that idiot just say?"
"Hell if I know; maybe he's delirious from coronavirus," said another.
More details will be added as it comes in.
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EXCLUSIVE! WOLF JACKAL INTERVIEWS PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE JOSEPH BIDEN!
This interview with correspondent Wolf Jackal was conducted today at an undisclosed location, due to the Corona virus or something...
30 APRIL 2020 (AP)
JACKAL: “Good afternoon, from all of us at Associated Press, we thank you very much for taking the time from your busy schedule to grant this interview, Mr. Biden.”
BIDEN: “My pleasure, Fox, good morning to you.”
JACKAL: “That’s Wolf, and it's 2:30 in the afternoon.”
BIDEN: “Oh yeah, Wolf, that’s right, morning, afternoon, whatever. You know, wolves are related to dogs – and foxes. They’re called canines – coyotes are too.”
JACKAL: “Yes, I know that sir, so are hyenas. Getting to the point, Mr Biden, what have you to say regarding the allegations against you regarding Tara Reade?”
BIDEN: “First and foreskin, I mean foremost, this uh, lying Tara woman is really out of line in left field when she said I tried to finger her. I always sniff them first, their hair that is, not their crotches – say do you remember the Avengers? They had a broad named Tara on that too, I think – or was it Dr. Who? Both were good shows you know – they came from Canada, right? How about that Benny Hill guy – he’s a riot!”
JACKAL: “Back to the subject of Tara Reade; she alleges that you forced yourself upon her and penetrated her digitally – ”
BIDEN: “Penetrated her digitally – with what – a flip phone?”
JACKAL: “No, your fingers; they are sometimes referred to as ‘digits’. That, sir, is considered sexual assault, last time I heard. How do you explain yourself to America, and to your supporters?”
BIDEN: (Looked at his hands in astonishment) “My fingers are considered sexual assault?”
JACKAL: “No, what you allegedly did to her with your fingers is; her candid revelations do not look good for your campaign.”
BIDEN: “You said candid? Candid Camera? That had Allen Funt in it, right? Fox – I mean Wolf, uh – do you remember Fox Mulder from the X-files? He had a sidekick named Scully… or was it Kolchak – nah – that was another show from the fifties, right?”
JACKAL: “Please stick to the subject, Mr. Biden.”
BIDEN: “I am sticking – truly I am – I’m like Teflon, nothing sticks to me, not even chewing gum! Now this Tara broad was probably hired by Reagan to make me look bad in the race to the Senate, and I assure all of my supporters that I only finger little girls, or is it boys? Nah, strike that, I don’t finger anybody anymore – or goddamnit – I never fingered anyone, except when I pick my nose!”
JACKAL: “Reade says differently, in nineteen nine...”
BIDEN: “Who cares what she says? There’s no proof that I fucked her or whatever, it was years ago in the eighties, I can’t keep track of whatever cheap floozy I was banging then, or if I even was! What we must do is put all of this behind us, and join forces to defeat our common enemy – George Bush! All of this malarkey about Tara, uh, Reade – hey – is she any relation to Harry Reid – he’s a friend of mine you know.”
JACKAL: “Much of what you just said is not germaine to our discussion.”
BIDEN: “What?" (Biden fingered his right ear, as if he was trying to clear it) "You’re telling me the Germans are involved in this dog-faced pony show too?” Biden then smiled, leaned to one side of his seat and farted loudly, adding, “Goddamn that stinks – that’s what I get for eating beans, cheese and sardines! You know, it’s a wonder I didn’t shit myself!”
JACKAL: “Jesus Christ!” (Frowned at the noxious odor, and lit up a cigarette)
BIDEN: “You know those things will kill you, right?”
JACKAL: “So will your toxic anal emissions; Mister Biden, are you drunk?”
BIDEN: “No sireee Bob, I’m as sober as a preacher sitting on a judge’s toilet, or is it bathroom – anyway, you know – the court thing. It’s like I’ve said to Hunter – deny everything until they have you cornered – then lie your way out of it! Silly laws are for other folks – they don’t apply to people like us, Fox.”
JACKAL: “That’s Wolf. I am an independent. You mean Democrats, correct?”
BIDEN: “Exactly. Just ask Nancy Schumer or that bulge-eyed guy Adam Schick from somewhere out west, he’s the president of Mexico, right? You see, laws only apply to my enemies – like Trump, or that fucking four-eyed bastard Barr! Did you know that Adam Schick invented the razor too – that’s why we don’t have beards anymore – he’s really smart!”
JACKAL: “No, I did not know that, sir. Thank you for a very revealing interview, Mr. Biden.”
BIDEN: “Don’t mention it Fox – vote Joe Biden ’88!”
Handlers arrived and removed a grinning Biden, who walked off, while picking his nose.
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NEWSFLASH! JOSEPH BIDEN – NOW EVEN MORE DEMENTED THAN HE WAS LAST WEEK!
By Wolf Jackal, AP News, 4 July 2020
In an incredible interview Friday afternoon, an incoherent, at times drooling creature that claimed to be Joseph Biden confronted this reporter with some of the most idiotic, foul mouthed, epithet strewn responses I have ever had the misfortune to hear. Here is a transcript of his ridiculous remarks, verbatim:
BIDEN: “Hello, uh Fox Mulder, I’m Joe Biden, husband of Joseph Biden. He’s running for the Senate, you know.”
JACKAL: “Fox Mulder is a fictional character from the X-Files, and YOU are Joseph Biden, sir!”
BIDEN: “I am, huh? You learn something new every day.” He started staring at an overhead fan, his jaw dropping. A fly landed on his cheek, then walked across an open eye and flew away.
JACKAL: (Wincing at the sight while waving a hand in front of Biden’s face) “Yes, you are Joseph Biden, and my name is Wolf Jackal. Hello?”
BIDEN: (Returning to reality) “Hello to you! Hmm - that’s very interesting – but you’re not Wolf Mulder, you’re that bearded Fox News Hound guy from the CNN show – or that Jackal guy, I mean.”
JACKAL: (Clearly disgusted) “Yes, I’m Wolf Jackal, employed by AP News – can you keep that small fact in your short term memory long enough for me to ask you a question?”
BIDEN: “Aye aye, Captain!” He smiled and gave a clumsy salute with his left hand, drool coming from a corner of his mouth, wetting the slacks he was wearing. “It’s raining goddamnit!” he exclaimed, wiping spittle from a leg of his slacks.
JACKAL: “No, Mr. Biden, we are inside of your home, you’re drooling on your pants.”
BIDEN: “Fuck, I pissed them last week, right here in this damn chair, Fox, it’s a good thing – oh hell!” He paused, seeming to realize what he was relating for a short moment. “You know,” he mumbled, pointing to his crotch, “I’ve got the prostrate thing down in my balls – it’s clogged up my – ”
JACKAL: “You mean prostate.”
BIDEN: “Yeah, and sometimes I have to piss like a racehorse and all I do is hold my dick, and hardly anything comes out like a goddamn busted garden hose.” He spat on the parquet floor, false teeth nearly coming out of his mouth. “These motherfucking things!” he mumbled, shoving them back into his face like the drawer of a cash register. “I should’ve got implants, but I got these goddamned choppers cheap from some fucking Jew dentist in DC a while back.” He pointed to his mouth with a jerk of his thumb.
JACKAL: “I’ve never heard anyone swear so much in so short a time – do you suffer from Tourettes?”
BIDEN: “No, I support a woman’s right to vote, and I plan to tour the nation to promote that idea.” Taking a deep breath and composing himself, he said, “Next question?”
JACKAL: “I haven’t asked you any political questions yet, Mr. Biden. I suppose the most pressing question is this: Who is on your short list for the VP position?”
BIDEN: “You know Fox, that is a damn good question.” He stared into space for several moments, blinked, then leaned to one side and farted loudly. Fanning his crotch, he blurted, “Diane Pelosi, that’s who!”
JACKAL: (Revolted at the stench) “Who?”
BIDEN: “Who hell Mulder, are you a fucking owl or something?” He looked to his crotch. “You know, it’s a wonder I didn’t shit myself! I like the smell of my farts, how about you?”
JACKAL: “No, but I think you are in serious trouble, Mr. Biden, as you strike me as totally senile. There is no such person as ‘Diane Pelosi’ - at least not one on the political stage. You are confusing two different people.”
BIDEN: “Oh yeah, well I’m not senile, and I’ll prove it to you! Diana Schumer’s that fucking beady eyed kike bitch from out west, and Natalie Pelosi’s the wop broad from Virginia or somewhere, right? Isn’t that cunt Alyssa Milano a Senator too? Forget it - fuck all three of them, I’ll just use Pocahontas.”
(The former vice-president was becoming more confused, and clearly upset)
JACKAL: “You mean Elizabeth Warren; Donald Trump calls her Pocahontas.”
BIDEN: “Yeah, her, and fuck that prick Trump, you know – the thing. Have you seen that injun bitch – I would have poked her horny hontas around twenty years ago – and I’ll bet my ass she would have fucked me, you know. At least she’s not that nigger whore Mandela Harris that the fuckin’ media keeps saying I’m going to pick for uh – you know my uh, shit. And don’t you go telling that bitch wife of mine that I wanted to fuck other women – I can’t get it up anymore anyway. Hell, Jill stopped blowing me years ago ‘cause it took her so damn long to get me off that her jaws hurt – do you believe it?”
JACKAL: “Yes I believe it, all of this is very revealing; I thank you very much, Mr. Biden.”
(End of interview)
REPORTER’S NOTE: Can you believe they are fielding this demented asshole for president? He belongs in a padded cell, not the Oval Office. Can you imagine such a feckless moron with the nuclear codes? I figure they’ll hurl his dumb, mindless ass and try Hillary again – that’s all they’ve got left.
REMEMBER KIDS:
Joseph Biden puts the "dem" in dementia!
Please feel free to post what you like, as long as it is tasteful...
BIDEN'S INCOHERENT RAMBLINGS AND IDIOTIC GAFFES - IS HE DEMENTED, OR JUST PLAIN STUPID?
- by Wolf Jackal, AP News
7 April 2020 (AP)
The rapidly deteriorating mental condition of presidential candidate Joseph Biden became even more apparent today when he was heard blurting out obscenities and afterward adding an incoherent string of words that defy anyone's comprehension.
Having left a restroom at a DNC office, a piece of toilet paper stuck to the heel of his shoe, Biden, apparently unaware that he was on camera, said, "God damn - I had to piss like a racehorse and the fucking sink in the toilet isn't working, so I had to wash my hands in the commode!" Frowning, he looked to the assemblage of reporters and added, "Oh shit, strike that!" Then, noticing his fly was open, he shrugged and zipped it up.
Most complied with his request, excepting for this reporter, who had a digital recording device hidden in my sport jacket.
"You are an uncouth pig!" exclaimed a female journalist who prefers that her name be withheld.
Biden, undaunted by her remark, replied, "I want to be clear as possible; perfectly, I mean, four score and six or is it seven – well, you know what I’m saying. I remember when Corn Pop rattled that off and I showed him! As far as the herpes malarkey is concerned, or is it Wuhan chinky, I think Trump's racist to close the door borders to Chinamen over trivial things. After all, how are we going to get new phones if we don’t buy the Chinese stuff! When I’m elected Senator of the country we’ll get to the bottom of this dog-faced pony show or my name isn’t uh, Joe – uh – Biden, yeah - that's it!!"
Then he thumbed his nose and looked to the ceiling as a silly grin covered his face. "Is that a fly or a bee?" Biden asked, pointing to the ceiling, apparently hallucinating.
Biden's remarks were greeted by stunned silence, one reporter murmuring, "What the fuck did that idiot just say?"
"Hell if I know; maybe he's delirious from coronavirus," said another.
More details will be added as it comes in.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EXCLUSIVE! WOLF JACKAL INTERVIEWS PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE JOSEPH BIDEN!
This interview with correspondent Wolf Jackal was conducted today at an undisclosed location, due to the Corona virus or something...
30 APRIL 2020 (AP)
JACKAL: “Good afternoon, from all of us at Associated Press, we thank you very much for taking the time from your busy schedule to grant this interview, Mr. Biden.”
BIDEN: “My pleasure, Fox, good morning to you.”
JACKAL: “That’s Wolf, and it's 2:30 in the afternoon.”
BIDEN: “Oh yeah, Wolf, that’s right, morning, afternoon, whatever. You know, wolves are related to dogs – and foxes. They’re called canines – coyotes are too.”
JACKAL: “Yes, I know that sir, so are hyenas. Getting to the point, Mr Biden, what have you to say regarding the allegations against you regarding Tara Reade?”
BIDEN: “First and foreskin, I mean foremost, this uh, lying Tara woman is really out of line in left field when she said I tried to finger her. I always sniff them first, their hair that is, not their crotches – say do you remember the Avengers? They had a broad named Tara on that too, I think – or was it Dr. Who? Both were good shows you know – they came from Canada, right? How about that Benny Hill guy – he’s a riot!”
JACKAL: “Back to the subject of Tara Reade; she alleges that you forced yourself upon her and penetrated her digitally – ”
BIDEN: “Penetrated her digitally – with what – a flip phone?”
JACKAL: “No, your fingers; they are sometimes referred to as ‘digits’. That, sir, is considered sexual assault, last time I heard. How do you explain yourself to America, and to your supporters?”
BIDEN: (Looked at his hands in astonishment) “My fingers are considered sexual assault?”
JACKAL: “No, what you allegedly did to her with your fingers is; her candid revelations do not look good for your campaign.”
BIDEN: “You said candid? Candid Camera? That had Allen Funt in it, right? Fox – I mean Wolf, uh – do you remember Fox Mulder from the X-files? He had a sidekick named Scully… or was it Kolchak – nah – that was another show from the fifties, right?”
JACKAL: “Please stick to the subject, Mr. Biden.”
BIDEN: “I am sticking – truly I am – I’m like Teflon, nothing sticks to me, not even chewing gum! Now this Tara broad was probably hired by Reagan to make me look bad in the race to the Senate, and I assure all of my supporters that I only finger little girls, or is it boys? Nah, strike that, I don’t finger anybody anymore – or goddamnit – I never fingered anyone, except when I pick my nose!”
JACKAL: “Reade says differently, in nineteen nine...”
BIDEN: “Who cares what she says? There’s no proof that I fucked her or whatever, it was years ago in the eighties, I can’t keep track of whatever cheap floozy I was banging then, or if I even was! What we must do is put all of this behind us, and join forces to defeat our common enemy – George Bush! All of this malarkey about Tara, uh, Reade – hey – is she any relation to Harry Reid – he’s a friend of mine you know.”
JACKAL: “Much of what you just said is not germaine to our discussion.”
BIDEN: “What?" (Biden fingered his right ear, as if he was trying to clear it) "You’re telling me the Germans are involved in this dog-faced pony show too?” Biden then smiled, leaned to one side of his seat and farted loudly, adding, “Goddamn that stinks – that’s what I get for eating beans, cheese and sardines! You know, it’s a wonder I didn’t shit myself!”
JACKAL: “Jesus Christ!” (Frowned at the noxious odor, and lit up a cigarette)
BIDEN: “You know those things will kill you, right?”
JACKAL: “So will your toxic anal emissions; Mister Biden, are you drunk?”
BIDEN: “No sireee Bob, I’m as sober as a preacher sitting on a judge’s toilet, or is it bathroom – anyway, you know – the court thing. It’s like I’ve said to Hunter – deny everything until they have you cornered – then lie your way out of it! Silly laws are for other folks – they don’t apply to people like us, Fox.”
JACKAL: “That’s Wolf. I am an independent. You mean Democrats, correct?”
BIDEN: “Exactly. Just ask Nancy Schumer or that bulge-eyed guy Adam Schick from somewhere out west, he’s the president of Mexico, right? You see, laws only apply to my enemies – like Trump, or that fucking four-eyed bastard Barr! Did you know that Adam Schick invented the razor too – that’s why we don’t have beards anymore – he’s really smart!”
JACKAL: “No, I did not know that, sir. Thank you for a very revealing interview, Mr. Biden.”
BIDEN: “Don’t mention it Fox – vote Joe Biden ’88!”
Handlers arrived and removed a grinning Biden, who walked off, while picking his nose.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NEWSFLASH! JOSEPH BIDEN – NOW EVEN MORE DEMENTED THAN HE WAS LAST WEEK!
By Wolf Jackal, AP News, 4 July 2020
In an incredible interview Friday afternoon, an incoherent, at times drooling creature that claimed to be Joseph Biden confronted this reporter with some of the most idiotic, foul mouthed, epithet strewn responses I have ever had the misfortune to hear. Here is a transcript of his ridiculous remarks, verbatim:
BIDEN: “Hello, uh Fox Mulder, I’m Joe Biden, husband of Joseph Biden. He’s running for the Senate, you know.”
JACKAL: “Fox Mulder is a fictional character from the X-Files, and YOU are Joseph Biden, sir!”
BIDEN: “I am, huh? You learn something new every day.” He started staring at an overhead fan, his jaw dropping. A fly landed on his cheek, then walked across an open eye and flew away.
JACKAL: (Wincing at the sight while waving a hand in front of Biden’s face) “Yes, you are Joseph Biden, and my name is Wolf Jackal. Hello?”
BIDEN: (Returning to reality) “Hello to you! Hmm - that’s very interesting – but you’re not Wolf Mulder, you’re that bearded Fox News Hound guy from the CNN show – or that Jackal guy, I mean.”
JACKAL: (Clearly disgusted) “Yes, I’m Wolf Jackal, employed by AP News – can you keep that small fact in your short term memory long enough for me to ask you a question?”
BIDEN: “Aye aye, Captain!” He smiled and gave a clumsy salute with his left hand, drool coming from a corner of his mouth, wetting the slacks he was wearing. “It’s raining goddamnit!” he exclaimed, wiping spittle from a leg of his slacks.
JACKAL: “No, Mr. Biden, we are inside of your home, you’re drooling on your pants.”
BIDEN: “Fuck, I pissed them last week, right here in this damn chair, Fox, it’s a good thing – oh hell!” He paused, seeming to realize what he was relating for a short moment. “You know,” he mumbled, pointing to his crotch, “I’ve got the prostrate thing down in my balls – it’s clogged up my – ”
JACKAL: “You mean prostate.”
BIDEN: “Yeah, and sometimes I have to piss like a racehorse and all I do is hold my dick, and hardly anything comes out like a goddamn busted garden hose.” He spat on the parquet floor, false teeth nearly coming out of his mouth. “These motherfucking things!” he mumbled, shoving them back into his face like the drawer of a cash register. “I should’ve got implants, but I got these goddamned choppers cheap from some fucking Jew dentist in DC a while back.” He pointed to his mouth with a jerk of his thumb.
JACKAL: “I’ve never heard anyone swear so much in so short a time – do you suffer from Tourettes?”
BIDEN: “No, I support a woman’s right to vote, and I plan to tour the nation to promote that idea.” Taking a deep breath and composing himself, he said, “Next question?”
JACKAL: “I haven’t asked you any political questions yet, Mr. Biden. I suppose the most pressing question is this: Who is on your short list for the VP position?”
BIDEN: “You know Fox, that is a damn good question.” He stared into space for several moments, blinked, then leaned to one side and farted loudly. Fanning his crotch, he blurted, “Diane Pelosi, that’s who!”
JACKAL: (Revolted at the stench) “Who?”
BIDEN: “Who hell Mulder, are you a fucking owl or something?” He looked to his crotch. “You know, it’s a wonder I didn’t shit myself! I like the smell of my farts, how about you?”
JACKAL: “No, but I think you are in serious trouble, Mr. Biden, as you strike me as totally senile. There is no such person as ‘Diane Pelosi’ - at least not one on the political stage. You are confusing two different people.”
BIDEN: “Oh yeah, well I’m not senile, and I’ll prove it to you! Diana Schumer’s that fucking beady eyed kike bitch from out west, and Natalie Pelosi’s the wop broad from Virginia or somewhere, right? Isn’t that cunt Alyssa Milano a Senator too? Forget it - fuck all three of them, I’ll just use Pocahontas.”
(The former vice-president was becoming more confused, and clearly upset)
JACKAL: “You mean Elizabeth Warren; Donald Trump calls her Pocahontas.”
BIDEN: “Yeah, her, and fuck that prick Trump, you know – the thing. Have you seen that injun bitch – I would have poked her horny hontas around twenty years ago – and I’ll bet my ass she would have fucked me, you know. At least she’s not that nigger whore Mandela Harris that the fuckin’ media keeps saying I’m going to pick for uh – you know my uh, shit. And don’t you go telling that bitch wife of mine that I wanted to fuck other women – I can’t get it up anymore anyway. Hell, Jill stopped blowing me years ago ‘cause it took her so damn long to get me off that her jaws hurt – do you believe it?”
JACKAL: “Yes I believe it, all of this is very revealing; I thank you very much, Mr. Biden.”
(End of interview)
REPORTER’S NOTE: Can you believe they are fielding this demented asshole for president? He belongs in a padded cell, not the Oval Office. Can you imagine such a feckless moron with the nuclear codes? I figure they’ll hurl his dumb, mindless ass and try Hillary again – that’s all they’ve got left.
