The Joys of Jury Duty

There are at least two places you can go to that puts you fully in touch with your communities; the DMV, and jury duty. Of the two, I’d say that jury duty gets you much closer, because that includes all of the retards and patricians that are either too stupid and fucked-up to legally drive, or those too rich and stratospheric to even bother with such a menial task. Little known fact: Outside of medical reasons, only active-duty military personnel and active-duty police officers are exempt from jury duty. All others must serve at some point, so it is relatively rare to be among such a broad cross-section of the various layers of sanity and insanity that makes us well, us.For some inexplicable reason, I get summoned every other year. I know people who have never been summoned, and others who have been summoned only once or twice in their entire lives up to that point. For the longest time, I didn’t mind, for the following reasons:

I think that is it very important for people to take their civic responsibilities very seriously. Being chosen to potentially serve on a panel that could decide someone’s life, death, freedom, etc, should be considered an honor and a privilege.

For the longest time, my employer paid for it, so it was a nice way to get away from work. It was a day to catch up on whatever book I was reading at that time.

The copious quantities of beautiful and well-dressed women that seem to be everywhere, but wherever money and/or power is concentrated, so are the hot chicks, so no big surprises there.

The most recent “tour of duty” was fairly typical. Knowing the drill, I dressed with much sitting and much passing through metal detectors in mind. You’re corralled with your fellow jurors into a large waiting room which seems to have a lot in common with an airport, in the sense that you’re surrounded by nutty people brimming with self-importance and others armed to the teeth and seemingly bored and disinterested. After everybody is checked in and settled down, a Judge from the Court gives a pep talk, thanking everyone for their time and reminding them of the importance of being a juror and the role the juror plays. My “favorite” pep talk was from a bitchy and cunty blond woman judge with a dog (yes, a dog) whose “pep talk” consisted of telling everyone how she knows all the tricks used to evade jury duty and more egregious attempts would result in being held in contempt of court which of course meant that you would be held in jail for up to year, just like that!

After that, it’s pretty much a game of “hurry up and wait”. In addition to the main waiting room, there are other places one can adjourn to. Several areas outside, a snack bar, and a smoking area are so-called “paging areas”, where the speaker squawks whenever a panel is called. It is in these areas that the games begin. I’ve met some very interesting people here, in both good and bad ways. I know one dude who got laid during jury duty. As I’ve said, for the most part, it’s a good way to catch up on reading.

What amazes me more than anything is the tremendous expense it takes to pick a jury for one fucking trial. For every one that is selected, hundreds are not. The U.S. is actually one of only a handful of countries that allow someone to be judged “by a Jury of their Peers.” Most other countries rely on a single judge or a panel of judges to decide the guilt, or lack thereof, of those tried before them.