Truly Tasteless Jokes: Highly Offensive!!!

The Bible of the Church of Vulgarians

Back in the 80's before the onset of the modern-day equivalent of the bubonic plague known as pc-ness, there was a book called "Truly Tasteless Jokes". It went on to multiple volumes, and the reason I don't have any of them anymore is because they were routinely stolen from me. I gave up replacing them after a while. While some people have the King James bible, the Koran, or various other science fictions as their religion, it dawned on me that those fucking joke books WERE my fucking religion!
Absent from this will be those fucking "What do you call someone with no arms and legs [fill it in]. I hated those jokes then, and I hate them now. Anyway, here are some pretty fucking offensive jokes from the glorious 1980’s and before:

FAGGOTS AND DYKES

Five fags are sitting in a hot tub. All of a sudden a wad of bubbling jizz floats up to the surface. The five fags all look at each other. One says: Okay, who farted?

Why do fags like ribbed condoms?

More traction in the mud!

What did one gay sperm say to the other?

"How are we supposed to find the egg in all this shit?"

After a night of fag sex, gay Bob wakes up for work, goes into the kitchen only to find his "boyfriend" jerking off into a ziplock bag.

"What are you doing?" gay Bob asks.

"Packing your lunch" says the boyfriend.

Why don’t fags work at sperm banks?

They always get fired for drinking on the job!

Who would win a race across the country between 2 fags and 2 dykes?

The dykes. The fags would still be at home packing their shit.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

How can you tell a tough lesbian bar? Even the pool table has no balls.

What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic?

Snap-on tools!

What do you call 50 lesbians and 50 government employees in one room?

100 people that don’t do dick!

What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbian’s apartment?

Potpourri.

What do lesbians do when they have their periods?

Fingerpaint.

What do you call it when you’re “cock blocked” by a dyke?

A beaver dam.

What’s the difference between a Ritz and a dyke?

One is a snack cracker, and the other is a crack snacker.

MEXICANS

What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a German?

A Beaner-Schnitzel.

Why aren’t there many Mexican doctors?

They can’t write prescriptions with spraypaint.

How do you teach a Beaner to swim?

Put a fence in front of the pool.

Juan, Carlos and Antonio all jump off a cliff to see who will hit the ground first - who wins?

Society.

What do you call a Mexican driving a BMW?

Grand Theft Auto.

What do you get when you cross a Polack and a Mexican?

Someone who spraypaints graffiti on a chain-link fence.

What do you do when a Mexican is riding a bike?

Chase after him, it’s probably yours!

What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an octopus?

I don’t know but it picks a lot of fucking lettuce!

What is the greatest Mexican invention?

A solar powered flash light.

Why do Mexicans re-fry their beans?

Have you seen a Mexican do anything right the first time?

Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?

Any Mexican that can run, jump, or swim is in the US!

Why wasn’t Jesus born in Mexico?

They couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin.

What do you call a group of stoned Mexicans? Baked BEANS.

Are you a Mexican?

You know you are a Mexican when at your service job everyone talks to you as if you don’t speak English

You know you are a Mexican when there is at least 14 members of your family named Maria, Guadalupe, Juan, Jose, or Jesus

You know you are a Mexican when you are in a 5-passenger car with 18 people in it

You know you are a Mexican when you don’t want the Republicans to win because all your cousins will get deported

You know you are a Mexican when you fart more than you breathe

You know you are a Mexican when you have at least 139 cousins

You know you are a Mexican when you have beans and rice with every meal

You know you are a Mexican when you have tons of cousins to beat the hell out of somebody when you need them too

You know you are a Mexican when you see a fence and want to hop over it

You know you are a Mexican when you share the same social security number with all your amigos

You know you are a Mexican when you watch Border Wars just to re-live those days again

You know you are a Mexican when your biggest problem is deciding between tacos or burritos

You know you are a Mexican when your mowing your own grass, then a car stops to ask you how much you charge

You know you are a Mexican when your white friends think your cousins are in drug cartels in Mexico

WOMEN

How do you blind a woman?

You put a windshield in front of her.

Why do women have periods?

Because they deserve them.

What's the most common sleeping position of a woman?

Around.

What do you call a letter from a feminist?

Hate male.

Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips?

Because men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.

What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?

A knife has a point.

What have women and condoms got in common?

If they're not on your dick, they're in your wallet.

What takes up 12 parking spaces?

6 Women drivers.

Why do women like to have sex with the lights off?

They can't stand to see a man have a good time.

What is love?

The delusion that one woman differs from another.

What do you call a girl with PMS and ESP?

A bitch who thinks she knows everything.

Why are hurricanes normally named after women?

When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, feminists can't change anything.

What do you call a woman with an opinion?

Wrong.

What do you call an all-woman workplace?

Unsupervised.

What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?

A woman that won't do what she's told.

What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Women drivers are like stars in the sky. You can see them, but they can't see you

How come women never fart?

They can’t shut up long enough to build up the pressure.

JEWS

In the Jewish doctrine, when does a fetus become a human?

When it graduates from law school or medical school.

What’s the difference between a Jew and a bagel?

A bagel doesn’t scream when it goes into the oven.

Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backward?

They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.

What's the definition of a queer Jew?

Someone that likes girls more than money.

Why do Jews have big noses?

Because the air is free.

Did you hear about the new tires made in Israel, called Firesteins?

They not only stop on a dime, they also pick it up!

How does a Jew celebrate Christmas?

He installs a parking meter on the roof.

What aren't Jews in the Boy Scouts?

Their parents refuse to send them to a camp.

Who was the most well-known Jewish cook?

Hitler!

How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?

When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.

Twenty Dollars: A Jewish boy asks his father for twenty dollars. His father replied, "Ten dollars, what in the world do you need five dollars for, I'd be happy to give you a dollar, here's a quarter."

How was copper wire invented? Two Jews fighting over a penny.

How do you know when a Jewish woman has an orgasm? She drops here emery board.

AND, LAST BUT NOT LEAST…NIGGERS!!!

What did God say when he made the first niggers?

Oops! Burnt another one!

A Mexican and a nigger are riding in car; who's driving?

A cop!

What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans?

The black ones steal your watch and rings.

What do black men do after sex?

15 years to life.

What's the difference between a black and a white fairytale?

White begins, "once upon a time," black begins, "y'all motherfuckers ain't gonna believe dis shit!"

How do you get a nigger out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

Why do niggers stink?

So blind people can hate them too.

How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?

You ever try to take a rib from a nigger?

What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?

"I set WHO free?"

Why do more niggers get hit by cars in the winter?

They're easier to spot!

What happened to the nigger who had an abortion?

Crime Stoppers sent her a check for $500!

Why don't sharks eat niggers?

They think they’re whale shit!

Why do niggers call white people "honkies"?

That’s the last sound they hear before they get hit!

What would Martin Luther King, Jr be if he was white?

Alive!

What do Nike and the KKK have in common?

They both make niggers run faster.

Did you hear about KuKluxKnevel's latest stunt?

He tried to jump 50 niggers with a steam roller.

Why don't niggers take aspirin?

They refuse to pick the cotton out.

What do you call a nigger with a Harvard education?

Nigger.

Why do police dogs lick their ass?

To get the taste of nigger out of their mouth.

NAACP stands for:

Niggers Are Actually Completely Pointless

National Association Against All Caucasian People

Now Apes Are Called People

Newly Appointed Apes Chunking Poop

Negroid Apes Absent of Cognitive Production

Now An Ape's Called President

Niggers Are Against Crime Prevention

Niggers Are Always Criminal Perpetrators

Niggers Always Assault Caucasian People

HONORABLE MENTION – WHITES

What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?

A box of crackers.

How many whites does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to mix the martinis, and the other to call the electrician.

How do Germans tie their shoes?
In little Nazis.