Robocop Reality
I was waiting at one of my favorite sleazy food joints when I saw
an unattended police car. Walking around it, I marveled at what it had on both
the interior and exterior. From the outside, it looked more like a hostile
deep-space probe than a vehicle designed with terrestrial public safety in
mind. It bristled with antennae and bump-like fairings that you normally see on
military aircraft. If it had wings, it’s a safe bet some sort of weaponry
and/or surveillance device would be attached to them. Its orca-like paint job
enhanced its already menacing appearance.
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| From this... |
As a form of sick and ironic comic relief, there's the lights. Evidently,
the same people who usually design things normally found on the Las Vegas Strip
diverted their talents to law enforcement vehicles. Either way, it’s big
fucking money. Unlike hitting a jackpot in Vegas, when all of the flashing
multicolored lights and sirens literally scream out Win, Win, Win, when those
lights and sounds emanate from the cop right behind you, you LOSE, LOSE, LOSE.
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| ...to this. |
The interior of the cop car was even more disturbing than its exterior. In
addition to the usual pump-action shotgun, a military surplus, fully-automatic
M16A1 stood next to it, along with another pistol-like device that looked more
at home in the BDSM section of a sex shop than a police vehicle. A very
expensive-looking computer system that was mounted on a very expensive-looking
armature took up most of the front seat. Boxes and containers of who-knows-what
were attached anywhere and everywhere space allowed. Nosing in a little bit
further, I half-expected a cyborg-like Robocop to suddenly grab me by the
throat and hoist me like I was a can of beer before triumphantly crushing my
skull and eliminating me as a taxpayer, all because I was a little too curious.
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| Old cops |
As if the vehicles they drive aren’t becoming scary enough, take a look at
the cops themselves. Much like a hostile alien mother ship that releases
smaller versions of its menacing self, a bumpy, boxy, antennae and gear-laden
vehicle often produces a bumpy, boxy, antennae and gear-laden individual also
known as your friendly neighborhood police officer.
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| New cops |
The cops seem to be so overladen with equipment and weaponry it’s no wonder
shootings seem to be more common these days; why run after someone you have no
hope of catching when you can simply gun them down? As if they need any help in
that area. Giving the police more firepower, to borrow a quote from a friend,
is like giving The Hulk brass knuckles.
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| Prototype? Robocop |
The 1987 movie Robocop seems to be edging closer to becoming
reality. A half-man, half-machine thing that possesses superior firepower,
superhuman strength, tank-like armor, and the ability to acquire and store data
that’s admissible in court is just the ticket for the future of cops. Many veterans
of our various wars are still allowed to serve even after losing entire limbs
in combat. Advances in prosthetic limbs are just the beginning; bionic limbs
and powered exoskeletons, once only in the realm of science fiction, are coming
soon, to a theater near you. As many military types often become cops, do the
math.
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| M230 30mm chain gun and Hellfire missiles coming to a 'hood near you |
What could be the outcome of all of this? Some things certainly leap to
mind. Jaywalkers? Why else were 30mm chain guns invented? Brrrrrrrrrrr! Done!
Illegal parking? No sweat! Why else were Hellfire missiles invented?
Whoooooosh….BLAM! So long, car! A bunch of kids loitering behind a building
smoking pot? Literally tear them limb from limb. There’s really no problem on
earth that cannot be solved by the proper application of gunfire and high
explosives. The arming of helicopters and drones goes without saying. We can
all count on law enforcement to be more and more less and less friendly in the
future, as they will be more and more like machines and less and less like the
people they’re supposed to be protecting and serving.
